I’m lost. Please give me
directions to Inner Peace,
I can’t find a map.
I’m too afraid to touch you
because I’m too awkward,
too shy and too anxious.
I’m too hung up on my strangeness,
too wary of people and being hurt.
You know this
so in all the years of our friendship,
we’ve never ever touched
skin to skin.
What you don’t know is that
I’m also afraid to hug you
because of your skinny frame.
I’m afraid my large body
and the anxiety swelling in my tiny heart
may crush you
and snap your strong bones
like twigs.
I’m sorry
I can’t touch you
no matter how much I try.
dream journal entry from the last two days:
First time dreaming about dying in the void. Felt like I was dreaming about the place where ghosts go to die. The void is no longer safe. No more womb dreams.
Recurring nightmare about having a close one hold me in the dark, so much stardust so much noise all blues and purples I feel safe. Sometimes it’s a preface to sex but they’ll always pause, smile and mention something about first times — sometimes it’s about me smiling for the first time and sometimes it’s about love. Then they’ll gracefully sink their hands into my body like a paper sailboat crumpling in water and slowly pull out my heart while I watch, paralysed by fear and a morbid fascination. When I look at the person, s/he has become a night terror and often eats my heart. Everything is fuzzy with yellow/orange. I jerk into consciousness trying to scream but my body won’t respond.
The What If game is supposed to be a creative drawing exercise that I obviously fail at.
Also, what if (before they put admantium in of course) you cut off an appendage from Wolverine — would he grow back the missing limb and would the cut off limb grow a mini Wolverine?
dream journal entry from last week:
She crawled out of the orange yellows with erratic jerky movements, her every eye fixed in my direction and her face a blank slit. A pause. Then she stretched her gaping maw wide wide wide open and she screamed. The silence was deafening.
She screamed and screamed her mouth open so wide so wide I thought the blackness would never end. I felt myself disintegrating into non-existence
I couldn’t breathe as she screamed me back into consciousness.
Sleep paralysis. Sank back under the waves hoping to dream of the comforting void.
I am going to slide into this dark hole
and never leave my house until
the rock has crushed me
completely
and I am no more.
It’s surprisingly hard to find templates for designing custom graphics so I made my own basic template for classic longboard shapes. There are no measurements and I included the top of the deck in case you like to get crafty with griptape. I’m still hazy on a lot of technical stuff so I based it on this Longboard Girls Crew article. The above image is just a small jpg preview — drop a message and your email address in my question box if you would like the original file.
Feel free to spread the word ‘cause I freaking love custom gear porn :D
Dear emotions,
please leave me the fuck alone
I fucking hate you.
I think I enjoy drawing stuff like this while listening to podcasts about serial killers a little too much. You can tell I gave up halfway, bad brushes ruin everything! >:C
blergh sketch dump from last night. Hey future self, get back in shape!
Also,
